been awhile!

Well since I've not had access to a computer, it's been hard to update this and my tech blog (which is http://jectechsupport7784.blogspot.com/).  But since somebody let me borrow a computer, thought I'd get a quick update and trust me a lot has been going on since my last update.  Rachel and I are still going on strong, this Thanksgiving we'll be seeing family which is always a good thing!  An there's quite a bit I'm thankful for, like for example being surrounded by friends and loved ones.  An another thing I'm thankful that I'm able to do at least some things for those friends and loved ones.  An that's to name a few, but a long list for me to be thankful for and more is to come on that.  Later on and never forget larf...

In The Beginning...

This was going to start off as a rant, but I thought I would talk about something a little more pleasant.  An this post, will be how I started off in IT, I had started off having a Atari 2600; thanks to my mom and that was the genesis of it all.  Then I happened to come across other peoples computers, like commodore 64 and Atari 800, then I ran the Apple mac like OS2 and then onto FreeBSD; an also Solaris,  That was my first introduction to Unix and Unix like environments, then I found out about this new project called GNU/Linux and with the help of a good friend I caught on quickly.  Now I hover around Solaris, pc-bsd and Linux mint; an haven't looked back and I'm doing all this to make a difference for humanity and granted yes the money is nice.  But I do this to give people freedom of choice and that yes they do have a choice, free as in speech and free as in beer; because it's a community effort.  That's the start of my IT passion, tata...

The bumpy roads...

This being the Christmas holidays, a lot of people can and will get depressed this holiday season.  But if you're at a bad spot please remember things do get better and if need be; get professional help and also remember you're not alone this holiday season.  Go there for further details --->  http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 

The bumpy roads...

Well it's been a bumpy road for me as of late, but things have been getting better for us.  Mostly because of lack of money and this cast on my leg. but like I said things are getting better; on a good note I've got a few jobs coming up and I only got one more week of this cast being on my leg.  But I've seen my therapist today which was a good thing and we had a interesting talk today about how rough life can be.  But I'm also very aware of how blessing can just come out of no where and more importantly the little blessing in our lives; if we just pay attention.  An something else I'm grateful for is the many great people in my life and how they actually care about me, an want to see me do good.  An something else that's been on my mind is, we're going to run into people that will work our everlasting nerves; but we need to keep in mind is, our mental health these days is so vitally important and for a few it seems to be slipping away.  An with me having a dual diagnosis of PTSD and recovering drug addict, it's hard sometimes to balance things.  Because I had my ha-ha and my ah-ha moments around the same time.  When I was a hardcore drug addict, how I had been handling my illness had been wrong and the ha-ha part was, I realized that laughter is one of the best medications  But the details for that is for a later time, enjoy folks and peace...

Interesting times (slight return)

A lot has happened since I updated my blog, it's been a mix of both good and bad.  But thing's have improved a lot in a relatively short period of time and I know that I had to make some changes in how I was doing things.  An something else that I'm working on is, I'm still trying to earn some extra money or at least do some trading with stuff, an I'm hoping to get that high gear soon.  Because granted it's still depressing and frustrating me, I'm not going to let it get to me like it was.  Because I'd like to get some tech support work and I'd like to get a big job like something that would pay 4000$ up from and 400$ a day, but I know realistically speaking I know that it's not going to happen.  But something that I  had dreamt about was that I woke up an I had 50 million dollars in my PayPal account and I really woke up, then I was like dammit lol.  But anyway I know that it seems like I'm complaining, an I swear I'm not; it's just so discouraging sometimes.  An I can't even get donations to my PayPal account for my tech support blog.  That being said, I'm going to continue doing my own thing and keep on rolling, because I know that it will eventually work out, not sure how or when; but I know that it will work out. 

Grateful for the little things

Some people are so ungrateful and if we think about it we always can find something to be grateful about.  Like me I'm grateful for the ability to read, I know people who don't know how to read, also I don't have clear speech and that's something I always tell people to be grateful for.  Also life can be hard sometimes and we get so discouraged about but we need to take time out of our day, to be thankful for those little things that can build up to great big things.  An the way things go the over stressed and fast past days, that's so vitally important and it's also important for physical and mental health too.  Because some people are so caught up in taking care of other people's needs and we'll being, that they forget to take care of their own well being.  So we need to take time out of our busy days to be grateful for all that we do got and not being ungrateful for what we don't got.  An I can name quite a few other things I'm grateful for to name a few are

1.  The ability to read, write and a great education
2.  Improved health, both physical and mental
3.  My medication
4.  A roof over my head, food in my belly
5.  People who love and or care about me

An that's just to name a few things, because I can name off so much more to be grateful for and we need to realize that and  take time to appreciate those little things that makes life, worth living cheers folks

depressing times

As of late seems like I've been able to catch a break to save my life, which granted I've got a lot to be thankful for; but some tech work would be nice, that didn't require me bring my own computer (since I don't got a working one).  But I got a lot of experience with IT and I know what I'm doing; just can't seem to find more work in it.  An I do it right the first time which that means I usually fix it once and people don't have to worry about it again.   But anyway rant is over on that one, an onto bright subjects.  Since I've been in therapy it's been quite helpful on many fronts and I've managed to evolve quite a bit too.  An something else that's been on my mind is some of my family members and why they don't bother to come see me; an I honestly believe some don't even bother to try.  But that's on them  not me, an I refuse to beg anyone to stay in my life and I'm going to keep doing my own thing; because my heart beats to a different drum.  Also I'm wanting to get back into music, because it was such a great therapy for me and it made me feel so much better.  An please excuse the rambling, I just got a lot on my mind and trying to say it all while it's still fresh on my mind.  An on a bright note, I've been with Rachel for four years now, an everyday has been a blessing to me; with her in my life.  But my life always wasn't always this good, I've had more then my share struggles and heartache.  But it's made me who I am today, which is a much wiser and stronger person.  But I've got what's called a dual diagnoses, drug addiction and mental illness, I was addicted to narcotic pills and I've got PTSD.  Both come with there own unique sets of problems.  But I'll get into those later on, when I am able to talk about them in a way that everyone can understand; because I don't want no confusion on what my problems are and I'm not looking for pity either.  Because I am trying to help people get to where they're a better place, which I got very little help up until a few years ago and I've been in the mental, health system since I was 20 and I am 39 now.  But something I would like to say things do get better may take awhile and take some practice, but things do get better.

p.s. here it's my fiance blog:  http://rachelshaffer1984.blogspot.com/ 

The power we hold

There's times in our lives and we feel like giving up or nobody cares, but that's not always the case.  There's people who truly care, but usually it doesn't come across like that and it's not that they don't care; some people are just a believer in tough love.  Because people that are going through the most are usually the most powerful, the reason being is that they keep going when things are at there worst for them.  An people notice that power and people are drawn to that, because some people are looking for people like you in their lives; because you're so needed.  Life can and will be hard sometimes, but we're so able to stand and deliver.  So don't let other people's bad behavior define you and also remember that their approval isn't needed.  Keep your chin up and keep on rolling baby.

Jokes to tell...

I'd like to know more jokes I'll start this one off
Father walks into his sons room, father goes don't masterbate you'll go blind, son goes I'm over here dad...

Confucius says man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger.  

Bring it in folks don't be shy. 

New surroundings

Well I'm home from a weekend at Rachel's family and I'm still getting a feel for them, but all and all its been a good time I believe.  But what I liked about it is that we were with people who wanted us to be there and weren't paid for it.  An they tried to make sure that I felt welcome and I tried to be sociable, which was hard for me; an I'm trying to work through that as best I can anyway it's been fun later taters

Interesting turn of events

It's been a interesting couple of weeks as of late, like for example met my significant other biological family recently and yes she's adopted.  An I've got a cast on my leg because I've got a sore on my foot and to make it heal faster and for good, I've got a cast; which makes it awakard to walk around but I'm making it.  An this weekend we're going to spend the weekend with my significant others, family which should be interesting and I hope that it goes over well.  But something that's been on my mind is my mom and dad, I'd like to have some pictures of mom to show Rachel what she looks like and also I'd like to know what my dad looks like.  Because I've got no memories of my dad and I'd like to at least be able to  know what my dad looks like.  Anyway I'm also trying to broaden my tech horizons, because I've used Unix or Linux for a majority of my life and still love it ; but I wanted to broaden it even further.  Like for example using sparc hardware anyway I'm off for now.....

Struggling at times

Well the past few days I've been struggling to keep my head above water and it's been hard.  But I know that things will get better, just seems like things won't let up right now.  Like for example I was in a hospital and I almost had a panic attack, which looking back I would've have not gotten out in time I would've had one; but it would've been a good place to have one.  But some things that help me is Journaling and writing in my blog, which I've noticed that I've not done either one in awhile and that yes I've should've done it sooner.  Which I know things will eventually get better just things are so relentless sometimes and times will get hard.  Also there's very people I vent too, mostly because it either gets lost in translation or with some cruel people the truth gets twisted.  So I either journal, blog and go to one of the few people; vent to them.  An if I feel like I  need a psych evaluation, I definitely go to somebody that can do something about it, because talk is so cheap lately and that's because some things for some people it's just out of their control or abilities.  Just how I feel today....

Slowly but surely

Well like the title says, I've slowly but surely getting better.  Because I was having a rough time as of late and just aggrivated that I was doing doing badly again, but I'm thankful that it didn't require hospitalization or going to a crisis recovery program.  But it did take awhile and yes I did feel mentally bad, with my symptoms being elevated, but I'm also proud of myself that I managed my symptoms on my own this time.

Summer time

Well summer time for some people is a great season, but if you're mentally ill summer or any other seasons aren't so fun.  Because if you're struggling to manage your symptoms , an yes sometimes it can be extremely difficult to do and be discouraging and disheartening.  But if you've got your symptoms well maintained, there will be times when you relapse and you may have to be hospitalized. But because we relapse doesn't mean we've failed; it just means we've needed more help then say our therapist or psychologist can do at the time.  But early warning sides need to be seen early, an once you're aware of them; come make a appointment with your therapist and or psychologist.  Because it could be as simple as a medication change or just a responsive ear from your therapist.  But please, if you need help go get it immediately, because the problems won't go away on there own and you need to help yourself before you can help anybody else.  

Good days and bad days

Well can say that we've had good days and bad days in our lives, but if you're mentally ill; it can be especially tough to see those good days and as of today for has been mixed.  I didn't sleep much the night before and I've been dragging all day, an I'll be taking my bedtime medication soon and hopefully I'll be back in bless full ignorance after it kicks in.  Because I know that when I don't a good night sleep the following day I feel off.  But to change to a more positive note, I'm debating on whether or not to become a virtual bookkeeper and get off disability and start to make instead of making a tiny check that only comes on the 3rd of the month.  Because money is a big stressor for me then some people might believe for me or for a majority of the mass public and it's debatable on whether it's getting better or worse.  Also I talk about mental health issues a lot because blogging is a coping skill for me and it gives me a chance to tell my side of the story, an give a real life perspective on mental illness from someone who truly is mentally ill and I've got a dual diagnosis.  One I'm mentally ill and recovering drug addict, but I know recovery is possible and I'm living proof of that.  One thing I can say is that I wish I wasn't mentally ill, but on the same token recovery is possible and it's a everyday thing.  That's all for now, cheers and stay frosty....

Taking special requests

Where I've been doing computers for long , I'm taking special requests to build custom computers for people and all you gotta do is buy the hardware and the operating system you choose.  Because I don't have windows or mac operating systems, but I do got Solaris, pc bsd and Linux.  My rates are cheap I charge on a sliding scale.  So if you want one of the best, please leave a me a message on Skype which is ZenDog77 thanks keep on the sunny side...

In the beginning

Life has never been dull for me to say the least.  But I've got a lot to be thankful for, but that being said, let the good times roll.  But this is a goofy random post, if there's three tv stations I never get tired of watching. 

1.  TCM

2.  MeTV

3.  The history channel

Those channels for some reason spark my imagination and creativity, an like MeTV  and TCM are channels that bring back class and morals; which is fledgling these days.  An that's a true shame, like for example Greta Garbo and Humphrey Bogart, are just some of true artists with class.  An me MeTV has show that you can sit down with your family and watch. 

Home movie theater

One of my favorite things to do is go to movie theaters and concerts, but when we get our own place; I want to build a home theater.  An I want to make it like a concert hall too, because I'm really big on audio and video.  An I've always enjoyed the movie going experience and as well as the concert going experience too.  Because it's so rare that you witness that true MOJO that is a great concert and movie experiences.  Because true artists and that true gems, are so far and between these days, it's truly sad that because that true artistic spark is dim; but not gone.  But anyway I've got a majority of things I'd need to this on my amazon wishlist and one day I hope to accomplish this personal goal.  An I know that sometimes dreams do come true for the most part, just as long as it's not so far fetched, but more realistic dreams do come true. 

Up and coming. ....

Well I'd like to promote this blog it's from a very special woman the link is Rachel Kerr she's just starting to learn how to blog so please check back every so often you won't be disappointed

Interesting times

Every so often we have good days and bad days, yesterday was bad for me; but today was a improvement, but not by much.  The good part of it was me and some others went riding around with no particular place to go.  But yesterday and today I've been kinda depressed about some things, I mean I know that it'll soon pass; but seems like since yesterday; I've not gotten out of this funk as quickly as I would like.  That's part of the reason I blog and keep a journal, but till I get a new laptop; this is it.  But more importantly why I blog and journal, is it helps me vent and kinda releases some of the pressure on me.  But the problems that I'm going through right now, granted are small and I know that it will soon pass; it's just discouraging and frustrating right now.  Just sometimes the best things that can help, is that I turn up my music or watch one of my favorite movies.  An be around people who I know care about me and love me, an more importantly don't annoy me lol.  Later gators.....

It'd be nice

I had a dream a few weeks ago that I had 50 million dollars in my PayPal account, which in all honesty; f I did have that I'd probably die of shock.  But it would be nice to have that much money to burn, I know I'd put like 30 million back in savings and give 10 million to the place I live and the final 10 million dollars I'd get things I want and need.  It'd be nice to have that much money, but anyway it doesn't hurt to dream. 

In the past

Something I'd like to talk about is, my past; not in detail or brag; or anything.  But what I would like to say about it is, it's just that,  my past and a lot of it I'd like to forget about it.  Because there's things I'm not particularly proud of and how I am now, is now how I was then.  But it seems like my past comes to haunt me a lot, especially when I'm stressed out (like today)!  But as a side note, I know I can be intimidating and come off as this big scary guy; but I'm not that anymore and I can say this somebody has a problem with me; come face me on it!  Granted it may hurt my pride sometimes, but at least I'll have respect for you. 

Stressers

We've always got something that will stress us out for some reason or another, at least once in our lives.  Like for example for me it's usually money (or lack there of), it's very stressful and discouraging sometimes.  Which I know it'll work out, not sure how or when;  but I know it'll work out somehow and I live my life by 3 simple rules:

1.  The law of attraction is very real

2.  Karma knows where everyone is at, at all times. 

3.  The Lord provides...

An that's gotten me out of a lot of heartache and grief, hope it can help somebody out too...

Random thought part 2

Well a lot is on my mind tonight, I just don't get some people; it seems like they get their rocks off by making others life a living hell.  But why is this, are they so miserable with their lives, they feel the need to make other people lives miserable too.  But I think a subject change is in order,  a few weeks ago,  I had a dream that I woke up with a fifty million dollars in my PayPal account.  But I keep thinking about it, if it were to really happen; I'd probably die of shock.  But it's a nice thought anyway....

Time...

Sometimes I wonder where the time goes,  when we get older and part of the reason I write in my blog; is so I can hopefully get people to understand where I'm coming from.  Because a lot of people misunderstand me,  for whatever reason; or how something comes across;  isn't how I intend it a large part of the time.  Because not everybody is the same,  an I'm probably as different as they come (haha).  Plus I've been situations that would've killed most people, but yet here I am.  An something else that I know, is at some point everyone goes through something trumaric;  even somebody you love and a lot of times you would've never had known it from that person.  So before you judge, at least get to know that person and situation; because you never know when it might be you. 

Another birthday has passed...

Well another birthday day has come and gone, I'm now 39 years old; I was born May 10th 1977.  My short 39 years have been a interesting ride to say the least and it's not been dull.  But something that does come to mind is this,  life passes by so quickly and ever more rapid.  But don't forget about your loved ones in your life, because they can be gone in a heart beat; so granted for a lot of us;  we've got busy lives.  But take time out of your day to tell someone you love dearly to talk to them and tell them you love them...

You find out who your friends are...

You know when times care hard,  you really find out who cares and loves you.  Because there will be times where you'll be stuck on the side of the road of life and the ones that walk into your life to help are the ones that matter.  Especially when you're not the easiest person to be around,  during the those when things are going wrong and you think it's never going to end.  So keep those people close to you because those people will be there when others won't.  

Mixed up on a few things

Well my birthday is coming up  and tomorrow is mother's day.  But I've never really gotten over my moms passing, whoever said "time heals all wounds" are a bunch of damn liers.  But I keep getting up and moving, but time hasn't healed my wounds.  But I know she's not suffering anymore and that's what matters.  

Well the race is on

Well as we get better,  we keep forgetting to slow down and smell the roses.  Because life flies by us so quickly,  you blink and it's already passed.  Another thing granted I want to earn some extra money for things and I repeat earn some extra money.  But in any case I've got a birthday coming up in four days I'll be thirty nine years old.  But anyway just venting some for right now

Money slight return

Well we all need money in our lives sadly like for example if you click this --> PayPal it will take you to my PayPal account.   But I wish we were striving for enlightenment, instead of money.  Which donations are always accepted at least in my case, not because I'm wanting too;  or because I don't want to work.  Seems like the ones that are working the hardest, are the ones struggling to make ends meet.  An as a side not my birthday is coming up this May 10th and my fience has a birthday coming up in July.  Anyway enough for now...

Choosing your battles wisely

Al Capone said don't mistake my kindness for weakness,  because I'm kind to everyone; but if  someone is unkind to me weak is something they won't  remember about me!  But with some people they'll fight anybody and everybody, all the time.  But one the ones that don't go off a lot,  but when they do all hell breaks loose.  Because you keep poking the bear,  it's going to take your arm off.  

Blessings

Sometimes blessings are hard to notice.  Because they're so small that they just shoot on by without us noticing.  But they're there, to say the least.  Like for example food, some people take that for granted; till it's not there and medication; same thing.  But to the ones that weren't able to get it and then suddenly able those turn into big blessings.  So count your blessings no matter how small or trivial they may seem; because at the end of the day, you woke up alive for that day. 

Pressure is on...

A lot has been going, which can put a lot of pressure on anybody.  But what's important is how we deal with the stress and speaking for myself, I try to make health; an productive as possible.  An I know this may sound weird, but find a wall; when nobody is around and vent; say what's on your mind to the wall.  An another thing is I turn up the music loud.  But we all gotta do what works for us that's healthy and productive manner.  Because if you don't you're just destroying yourself. 

Sitting idle

In my option sitting idle has to be the worst thing in the world.  Just sitting there with nothing to do, an a wondering mind.  Sometimes if you're mentally ill; that usually leads to no good.  That's why remaining busy and productive is always preferred with healthy activities is so important.  Which that's lead me to a psych hospital with that.  Anyway like the Carter family song, "keep on the sunny side". 

Ready to hit the streets

That past road trip to Gatlinburg, made me think; about how I miss traveling.  There's a few places I'd like to go to, like for example to a beach.  Because I've never been to the and I'd like to go to one.  Also there's a few places in other countries I'd like to visit; that are on my bucket list.  An for example to go learn to surf in south Africa. 

Books I like

There's a few authors that have truly captivated me.  Like for example Harlen Ellison, Poppy Z. Brite and Mercedes Lackey to just name a few.  Plus I've always liked authors that are left of center.  An most importantly they've got a very important message to say, if you're very in tuned to it.  An last but not least, books can take you where it's not possible at this; so kemo reading.

Places I like

As the title suggests, I'll be talking about places I like.  An to start out in Virginia, I've always liked the Virginia side of Bristol, an I like Scott county and last but not least Charlottesville.  But I often wonder, what it'd be like to take off now that I'm with Rachel (Rachel is my fiance).  Because now it's not all about me, like it has been.  Because in the past, I could just up and take off whenever I wanted.  But now it's not the case, I've got responsibilities now; an other people to think about now.  But I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I can say I love her more then anything.  An some more places I like is Hawkims county Tennessee and as well as Kingsport and Johnson cities in Tennessee.  An last but surely not least is Jenkins Kentucky. 

Uneventful

Today so far has been uneventful, which makes me kinda depressed; because I don't feel like I'm being productive.  An that I find depressing, which I'm trying to find something to do.  I know I'd like to do some cooking, which I'm to try an do some cooking this coming Friday I hope.  But I'll be watching dune, one of my favorite movies.  Till later....

New places

First I'd like to say here's the address to my tech blog  http://jectechsupport7784.blogspot.com that being said onto my post.  This past Friday I went to Gatlinburg Tennessee; to see Ripley's aquarium.  That was the first time going to Gatlinburg Tennessee and Ripley aquarium.  The traffic was bad and it's expensive there; but that's the only bad things I got to say about it.  I'd like to go back to visit again, hopefully the next I go again I'll be a little more prepared.  Although I'm still stiff from all the walking and I've been exercising.  but anyway till later...

Road tripping

Today I've been thinking about how I'd like to go on a road trip.  Not that I'm going to do it this very minute; but it would be nice to just up an take off for a few days.  But not sure where I'd even go.  One place I'd like to go is California, like maybe San Francisco.  But anyway nice dream anyway; maybe one day...

Conventions

Memories can be a blessing and a curse.  But for this post, it's good memorize.  But I used to go this convention in Frederick Maryland, called evecon; which holds a special place in my heart!  Because of all the fond memorize it's given me.  But there's three conventions, that I still want to go too; first is dragon con, comicon and shmoocon.  Dragon con and comicon are a lot alike in many ways, both cater to the scifi fantasy crowds.  While shmoocon is a hacker / cyber security convention, it's still a valuable learning experience. 

First impressions.

Growing up, I've heard first impressions are everything.  But it's not always the case, because sometimes what you see at first; isn't always what you bargained for.  Because sometimes someone doesn't always show their true colors till it's to late.  Wish this wasn't the case, but sadly it is. 

Not so good timing

Well today good timing isn't on my side, because I got asked if I was able to work; which I'd rather be doing that; then sitting in a doctors office right now!  Because I need the money more then some people might realize; which is why I usually job at the chance to earn some extra money.  But hopefully if I don't get rained out tomorrow; I'll be able to earn some extra money working on weed eating.   Which I'm also trying to find some computer work too.  But I'll pretty much take any paying job; with in reason.  But part of the reason I like doing yard work, because I like being outside; so that way it's a win win.  So anybody close by needing something done send me a message... 

Mobile 1

You know some people it's very easy to just pick up an leave, especially if you've got a steady income coming in.  Like me for example, the first time I left wise county; I just packed some clothes and sentiment items; an left.  But if you've got responsibilities to kids and family; it's harder.  Unless you're a dead beat; who cares about nothing or nobody.  But sometimes it's nice to be able to just up and take off.  One thing I'd have to carry with me, would be this glass chess set, that two very good friends got for me; Connie and Larry Page.  An I'm so thankful to have great people like that in my life now. 

Socializing more.

Well I'm in a day program now, I've been going a few days a week for the past few weeks.  I'm learning to be not so antisocial, mostly because of some people's bad behavior.  But I'm surrounded by nice people who care; who want to see me succeed.  Which I'm still trying to adjust to it; but I'll play it by ear for right now. 

Thinking way to much

One thing about being mentally ill, is that you will a lot more then most, is to over analyze things to the extreme.  Most of the over analyzing is usually negative, everything that can and will go wrong; you'll excessively analyze it.  An I truly mean analyze things to death and beyond.  An the stigma that comes with being mentally ill is even worse, even the ones we oppose on ourselves; when we're first diagnosed; because most people just heard from the mass media.  An the mass media, only report about mass murders and other bad people and hardly ever on the good ones; like the success stories.  But you really don't hear about those to much.  Because there's more success stories then the bad ones; so for the ones getting help and trying to make the their lives better; as well as others..... keep your chin up... 

Sideways

Sometimes we have these big plans, like first I was trying to get to Georgia, didn't happen, then I was going to California; that didn't happen either.  But it's been my experience; that yes some things are just meant to be.  An there's really no explanation or reason on why; like the title state's; things just hit you side ways.  But it's alright to have big plans; just make sure it's realistic. 

Running to and from

I really don't say much on faith, but I'd like to speak on this a little.  But in this great nation, you're able to worship whatever you want or nothing at all.  But speaking for myself, I'm a follower of Jesus Christ; but seems to me; that a lot of so called Christians.  That a majority of them are running from him, when we need running to him!  Because remember, if you follow the teachings of Christ; an follow the bible; he died for our sins.  Just something to consider; only my two cents. 

Mental rent

I've been told, if you keep negative people in your life; charge them mental rent.  That means to keep putting up with their negativity, make them pay you; since they usually don't part with their money; it's a safe bet they'll leave quickly!  An that's part of the reason my circle of friends and loved ones; is incredibly small.  Because not surprising; I'm not liked or loved by many; but at least they are genuine friends and loved ones.  An something else I've got a lot of people that are like that, because I'd rather have it straight up; then sugar coating it and beating around the bush.  Anyway I'm not ranting or anything just putting that out there; a little food for thought...

Money would be nice

You know what would be nice, if a million dollars would just mysterious appear; I could think of a lot of things I'd like to spend it on.  The first place I'd like to go is at Sam's club and stock up on a lot of things.  But first thing I'd need to go get my identification of some kind; an I'd like to get my drivers license back.  An all I'd need to do is retest and be back on the road providing I could get a car.  But nice thought, it doesn't hurt to dream; but what matters is making sure reality and dream land don't blend together to much.  Because it'd be nice to get those things like a flat screen 4k television; or anything.  But we all can get those things, but if you work hard and keep at it; because things can happen; it will take some time and all that, but it will happen

Real love...

Real love, is really heart warming thing; a lot of ways.  One of the best things in my opinion on love, is you share a connection on so many things; like for example your fears.  An as well as your hopes and dreams, real love someone is giving you; will build you uo; not tear you down.  But there will be times where you will fuss and argue, but with real love; that love doesn't just go away or die out.  But it's also a sad fact, that some people have a alternative motives for saying they love you, but they don't know what real love is; real love is standing by that person, when thing's are at their worst and you're not the normally lovable person you normally are.  But I've got hope that one day we'll all understand true love...

I've noticed

When I first started this blog, thing's were so scattered for me and my life was going in so many directions, an a majority of them I wasn't to keen on.  But these days, it's a much different story; my life has gotten more stable!  Now I'm on the right kind of psych medication and I'm actually interested in becoming a peer support specialist, plus my future has improved greatly.  What brought me to this is older posts I had posted on this very blog on mine!  Another thing I'm trying to do is being a more productive citizen and just all around better person.  When I first went back to them, at first they made me sad and ashamed about what was still so wrong in my life.  Apparently I still was somewhat dulsional in some respects, this grandiose visions of thing's would just happen and I'm a nice guy; an things would fall right in my lap right this second.  Well apparently I needed to stay in a psych hospital then I thought and I was fooling myself and others.  An something else, we tend be hardest on ourselves; then anybody else.  But I've gotten a lot smarter and wiser since a few years ago.  An in hopes I keep on that same path, keep your stick on the ice...

Wishing for work....

Well as I lay here, I keep thinking I wish I had for more paying gigs.  There's a few things I'd like doing, something I'd like to do is cook.  But that and IT jobs I'd rather being because I love to cook and computers.  Something I'd like to cook is a nice Sunday supper.  But we don't always get what we want; nice thought though.  There's a lot of thing's I'd like to cook, one thing I'd like to make is a steaks, mashed taters and gravy; an last but not least a nice dessert.  Because being mentally ill; some find it heard to find a coping skill we can do and enjoy. 

Another random thought part 1

Something else that not many people know about me is I've a huge interest in space from physics, to astronomy and a lot more when it comes to the natural world and space.  An something I'd like to get if I had spare cash to burn; would be a telescope and a nice one at.  But there's a lot of thing's I'd like to buy. But thing that sparked my interest in that was when I was much younger was going to the air and space museum; as well as other museums.  An I've always loved through the worm hole and the like.  But we make the mistake that we've discovered everything on earth, an I say no we haven't to that!  But on the same token we need to get our kids interested in science, not just in math and English; as well as world history, not just American history.  But like I said just a random thought for tonight! 

My mri and bone scan

Well as I'm sitting here waiting to get my mri and bone scan done.  Reminds me why I stay away from hospitals; I'm also tired of hurting too.  But gotta do what I gotta do to make the pain to go away. 

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Once again we're watching a classic; The Rocky Horror Picture show.  Which is one of the few gems that survived this.  It's up there with a few of the monty python movies and dune. I also like a lot of older movies, like a lot of Alfred Hitchcock movies. An Abbott and Costello, three stooges and the Marx brothers; to name a few.  An old tv too, because a majority of it you can sit and watch with your kids.  Like for example the Andy Griffin show; which had good messages and morals. Which is why I want to build a home theater and set it up like a little movie theater.  But I don't see that happening anytime soon, unless I wake up an a million dollars are suddenly in my PayPal account; which I don't see that happening anytime soon either lol cheers folks and keep the true cinematic gems alive. 

More often then not

As I lay here I can't help but think, that some people get their undies in a wad over the least little thing!  An used to why why?, well it's more apparent as I get older; that some people have no lives and are miserable and want to make other's just like them!  But on the same token, these people aren't worth my time and are are worthless, who aren't worthy of anything.  An for example, their world revolves around with the kardasins are doing or real somebody from some place!  While there's people trying to make the world a better place, while the ass clowns if this back water planet are trying to prevent that from happening.  Because you've got to be taught to obey, do what you're told without question.  But I do often ask, why is this?  Because I learned in school, we've got freedom of speech and constitution; last but not least a bill of rights.  Our freedom is being systematically took from us.  An nobody is caring in the slightest, while the small group of us; that are capable of forming thought and have got the brass to speak out for these freedoms.  But in short our freedoms are more important then others feelings. 

Long time no see

Well it's been a long time since I've posted to this, so sorry folks on that one.  I've created another blog all about technology; to separate this one and other one.  But I wanted to focus this one about the goings on in my life and other passions, other then technology.  An I've been doing good, another passion I've been doing is cooking before I got into IT and music full time I was actually studying to be a chef!  So I'm getting back into that, which is such a great therapy for me.  But something that applies is I'm also mentally ill; I've got PTSD!  Which I'm doing better these days, but wasn't always the case.  Which I'm going to be discussing that at a later time.  Because I want to drawl attention to the stigma; because there's such a big stigma attached to being mentally ill.  Till later peace and chicken grease lol...