depressing times

As of late seems like I've been able to catch a break to save my life, which granted I've got a lot to be thankful for; but some tech work would be nice, that didn't require me bring my own computer (since I don't got a working one).  But I got a lot of experience with IT and I know what I'm doing; just can't seem to find more work in it.  An I do it right the first time which that means I usually fix it once and people don't have to worry about it again.   But anyway rant is over on that one, an onto bright subjects.  Since I've been in therapy it's been quite helpful on many fronts and I've managed to evolve quite a bit too.  An something else that's been on my mind is some of my family members and why they don't bother to come see me; an I honestly believe some don't even bother to try.  But that's on them  not me, an I refuse to beg anyone to stay in my life and I'm going to keep doing my own thing; because my heart beats to a different drum.  Also I'm wanting to get back into music, because it was such a great therapy for me and it made me feel so much better.  An please excuse the rambling, I just got a lot on my mind and trying to say it all while it's still fresh on my mind.  An on a bright note, I've been with Rachel for four years now, an everyday has been a blessing to me; with her in my life.  But my life always wasn't always this good, I've had more then my share struggles and heartache.  But it's made me who I am today, which is a much wiser and stronger person.  But I've got what's called a dual diagnoses, drug addiction and mental illness, I was addicted to narcotic pills and I've got PTSD.  Both come with there own unique sets of problems.  But I'll get into those later on, when I am able to talk about them in a way that everyone can understand; because I don't want no confusion on what my problems are and I'm not looking for pity either.  Because I am trying to help people get to where they're a better place, which I got very little help up until a few years ago and I've been in the mental, health system since I was 20 and I am 39 now.  But something I would like to say things do get better may take awhile and take some practice, but things do get better.

p.s. here it's my fiance blog:  http://rachelshaffer1984.blogspot.com/