Thinking like a criminal

So law enforcement wants to end the drug war, law enforcement is doing it wrong!  A majority of them don't think like criminals, they need to think about it from a new prospective, they need to hire people like me; who've been on both sides of the fences.  One thing they need to do is give people incentive to quit and end the drug wars.  because if you can't clean up the hood and give poverty-stricken people a good paying job that'll put a major dent into the drug war.  An as for the addicts treat it for what it is, a health issue and not a law enforcement issue.  End the drug war...

Old war horse's

I guess I'm not exciting enough because I don't party like a wild man or drink like a fish anymore.  I'm just me, I'm a pothead so I'm comfortable just turning up tunes and or watching a movie and shooting the shit.  I can't find that here for some reason in Washington County,  I'm a old hillbilly hippie; who doesn't shoot up or anything.  Anyway I'm not looking for a pity party,  it seems like I'm not Mr excitement.  I'm just a old war horse, probably not good for much.  Later on..

So much

I don't normally post more then one day but today is different, I keep thinking about how things are going it's very disappointing, but at least I can see my enemies coming better here; then wise county and granted it's not as extreme here, but still disappointing none the less.  I can understand the ones causing all this shit coming after me, but my girlfriend and other people, that can't defend themselves.  That's just flat out bullshit wrong, no matter how you cut it up and yet they wonder why I go off sometimes?!?!  I'm ready to just kick the door in, take her home, have her pack her things and tell them to kiss my fat ass!  But what I don't understand is why mess with people that have a hard enough time defending themselves?  I mean haven't they got lives or hell anything better to do?  I just find all this aggravating and depressing all at the same time, this is driving me to go to the hospital again.   I'm not breaking or anything just I don't want to do anything I'll regret later.  Stepping stone aka clubhouse a few of the consumers I can understand on why and how they at, but not a few of the staff, I find that the most hurtful.  I know I need to do something, but how do I do it without losing my temper again?  Any and all suggestions will be appreciated, but several of the staff make the rest of it look so bad and it's a true shame because stepping stone is a really great program and is a benefit to many people, including me!  But I'm trying to weigh the benefits of this because like I said certain staff are making it all look bad.  Like my case manager at stepping stone's doesn't even want to be there and she's one of the main instigators there.   But I know that this isn't a reflection of all the staff, but once again it's making them all look bad and it's making the program as a whole look bad, an I know there's people there, that trying to do good and help people, anyway enough for now..... later on :(

Seeing red...

I have to throw this out there, I know I have a temper and I'm not denying that.  But to shit on people that have a hard enough time to defend themselves?   I mean I'm a big boy I can defend myself,  I can handle it.  But DO NOT, dump on someone that can't, because it's cowardly of that person to do that to someone else.  A just flat out wrong, I'm no saint by any stretch of the word, but come on now? 

Mind of a addict

This is something that is been spurred from a another former addict.  Not many people know this about me, but I was a addict, my vice of choice was pills.  Not just any kind of pills, but narcotic pills, benzo's and opiates.  This had started long before I became an addict, after suffering from abuse, not at home but elsewhere; I later started fighting a lot but the hurt still remained.  Well years later after I lost my mom, I snapped, I had lost her, my job, everything.  Instead of dealing with the pain, I tried to kill it with pills Xanax and loritabs.  One Nighy I got sick of it I took 10 Xanax 2 MG and 10 roxiset 60's that combo should've killed and would've killed most people, but it didn't me.  Because by then I had built up such a tolerance,  that I just slept for 20 hrs.  later I went to the ER and the attending physician,  expected to see me in a coma or dead.  But there I was just looking at him, still bombed out of my mind.  Well I was sent into rehab, if you've felt detox, then you know what I'm talking about,  but if you've not then trust me it's worse then it looks.   Things like withdrawal and rehab, are scary things to an addict, for me I begged them not to take away my pills because the fear of going without them was to much to bare.  An it doesn't hit you till about the third day, I mean it's you hard; you're puking your guts out and not eating.  Just wanting the sickness to go away, just one more fix to make the sickness to go away then I'll be fine.   We'll it doesn't work out like that,  you'll keep using till you get help or die, the thing is that it just doesn't destroy your life, but the ones around you.   It's a everyday struggle for some, but if you're struggling to quit get help, for friends and loved ones,  but most importantly for yourself, don't become another statistic....

After surgery......

Well it's been over a week since my back surgery 10 days I feel so much better yesterday I walked to church twice.  Including walking around the new neighborhood I walked six miles, which in the past walking 20 feet left me hurting so badly.  When I came to Washington County I literally had nothing , but what was in my pockets and the clothes on my back.  I'm still at that to some degree, but I'm slowly getting back on track and where I need; I'm going to be on top again.  It's nothing a little time and money can't replace, because this isn't nothing;  because I've been through hell and I kept on going.   An I didn't slow down and I didn't give up.  also life has taken a turn for the better even with me being a pothead... peace love live free or die hard...

My back surgery

Well I've had my back surgery and I'm in less pain now then before the surgery, even with 7 staples in my back.  I'll be moving out on my own again which I'm super excited about that, I'm back in college now which my first day I got my ass handed to me lol.  I'll be going to sign up for Netflix,  Hulu Plus and Pandora One accounts so I'll have all the music and movies I can handle.   Plus I got a boom box and chrromecast so now all I'm missing is a HDTV, an I got a HD antenna so I'll get local TV and radio, as well as the rest.