The of the dragon and the tiger (again)

A teacher and student are talking, the teachers says I have taught you well, but you only learned half of what I taught you.  You are like tiger, quick, the first to strike and fearless.  But dragon is wise and fears what his power can do, an dragon always has a choice.  Student says but master tiger is all I know, what will happen if I learn to be like dragon, teacher says then you'll become a man...

Free as in speech and free as in beer

Ok here's the plan, I want to hack the Linux kernel for a great Linux OS like Debian; take advantage of Xeon processors.  Which have flooded the market, an as of now RedHat Linux is the only company that does that.  But they are not very forthcoming about there code, but what surprises me more is no outside developers have jumped on this.  Here I'm wanting a Xeon based servers for hope use which might I add have gone down so much in price.  Something I'm gonna do is when I get my coding skills back up to par, an get a gently used Xeon based server to code on so I'll probably have to put a 64 bit version on it; then setup a virtual setup to try an get it to code on.  I'll keep everyone posted on my progress

Mental health and distro fun

I saw an app for android and I'd like .to port that for other operating systems more so linux and copyright it under the gpl.  It's called PTSD coach or something to that affect, an it's good for a cell environment; but I'd like to that expand on that expand on that.  Like recording patterns, to get more information on triggers and a journaling system to take to mental health professionals just a thought...

Expanding my blog

Well like the title says I'm going to expand what I talk about more thongs more then my usual rants.  Two more subjects I'm going to talk about is mental health and the IT field.  Also I'm going have snippets of code I'm going to be working on.  Because a big ambition right now for me is working on the bsd and linux kernels and if I create any apps they are gonna be under the bsd/MIT license and GPL licenses

I'm wondering

I know I'm not a saint by any stretch of the word, but I know I don't deserve all this.  But some people just can't stop from sturring up shit.  They are hell bent on destroying another persons life.  Because they don't get their way, life does suck sometimes.  But I'm stating my life over with a more positive vibe and it'll happen.  Carroll may be my last name but I'm an Osborne by blood.  Time for everyone to either stand beside me or leave my life.  Peace all and for the ones that stay thanks I'll have your back too and for the ones leave it was nice knowing you!!

Fun project ahead

Well I'm working on a little black box of security.  Using raspberry pi hardware along with Kali Linux security distribution, the whole idea on it being is on the fly security; that hooks to modern peripherals.  What surprised me most is the hardware, now the hardware is underpowered by todays standards but still more powerful then most cellphones more to come

Get off on the pain

As I sit here in the hospital long story on that but sometimes there's a part of me that thinks of that song by Gary Allen ~ get off on the pain I can handle physical I've been shot at stabbed, had my ass stopped by some pretty burly guys and hells bells some pretty Badass women still took a bunch of them though.  Which still got a soft spot for Badass women though lol.  Probably the only time I laughed since earlier in the day. Today has been a mix of good but mostly bad to worse.  But today I can honestly say I've seen the power of humanity and how the there are still good people out and I've truly blessed to have witnessed that today God has truly brought these people in my life to show me that truly good humanity and the basic goodness in people to other people is alive and well...

Another random thought night

Well I've fallen again, but I'm able to pick myself up again better then the first time.  Which it says a lot about my strength, an no I'm not bragging or anything.  But when I've first fallen I had a nasty addiction problem, but thanks to an awesome family and friends; I've made it through my trail by fire.  An it wasn't easy, but with my family and friends, I made it through and with a lot of pot too.  But family and friends was the biggest help to.  Which that was the key, the biggest help you'll need is your support group.  A good support group will help you out more then any pill or drug.  An I don't need part time friends in my life I want people that'll hang on even during bad times and am will celebrate your good times in your life.  I'm getting baptized this coming Sunday.  An I've got to admit I'm kinda nervous about it, but it's time has come for me.  Plus I'm preparing for the future.  Like buying better insurance for health and life insurance, even though I know my kin would take care of me if I needed it; this is really my responsibility to do.  Because I can do it, because I believe in taking care of your business and not just pawning it off on other people.  But like I said I know my family would if it came down to it, but they got lives of there own and that's not how I wanna be remembered.  But onto lighter news I've buried the hatchet with my ex wife and we'll always be a part of each others life no matter what.  But I can honestly say I can look back an smile, times weren't always bad.  But who knows we may get back together, only time will tell and it's still to soon to tell.  But we have a history together and no matter what happens we'll always have that bond.  This past Tuesday I was at the ER with her, she was bad off sick and couldn't hold nothing down; not even water.  Her stomach just rebelled on her, but glad she's doing better.  Tonight is one of those random thought night, I've been getting them a lot lately, when I've got down time.  The past few days gave been hectic, I'm currently staying in a homeless shelter for the next few days.  I'm going to go to the local churches and social services too, churches I'm kinda worried about asking for help; but social services my tax dollars go to, so hell yea I'm going to use them.  An don't give me that shit about not working for me or any other tax paying American, if you've ever paid taxes they work for you.  But in any case I'm still on my way up again and I guess I'm done with all my randomness tonight peace..

Alcohol and pills

Two of the most dangerous things right now are alcohol and pills I recently lost a good friend to accidental pill overdose.  I've lost many friends and family to pill overdose. But alcohol and pills cause more deaths annually then guns ever will so maybe, we tighter restrictions on those then for guns; but you never hear that in the news.  An don't even get me started on pot, zero deaths in recorded history due to pot, yet that's illegal.  But pills, alcohol and tobacco are all legal and kill more then guns and pot ever will.  So I'll keep a hunting rifle and stash of pot thanks you very much.  Aspirin kills more then pot, if you got a headache and you take 12 aspirin at one time that'll be the last headache you get and probably your last breath too.  One thing that still hits close to me is that could've been me at one time before rehab I was on 16 different medications now I'm on 5, if I don't count pot; 6 if I don't count pot.  So to anyone that does take pills for any reason please be careful because the very life lost could've be  your own and the precious life you leave behind will miss out on everything about you and if your wanting to get off either or both but can't do it on your own please get help immediately don't wait do it now please for yourself and the ones that love you

Under the demons

We all have our demons to some extent, but we have a choice; if fact we have several choices on how we control those demons.  Which sometimes can be easier said then done.  I recently lost a friend, because her demons kept her hurting for so long and she had trouble silencing them or casting them out of her tortured soul.  I knew she made her heart right with God I just hope she kept at it.  Because I know where she right now, her another friend and me will be doing bowls of pot in heaven.  But one thing I'd like say whatever your demons may be if they become to much to bare please consider getting help, I've seen so many good people lose their lives because of their demons.  It's time for us all to end the cycle, don't lose your life because you can't silence your personal demons on your own and with any form of medication please be careful they aren't worth yours life.  Live like you were dying, love without end

Got news that came as a relief today

We'll I'll be getting some really premium smoke soon so just hope I don't spaz out to much between now and then.  Another piece of good news I got today was I heard there's an apartment building that'll have openings this Monday so that's another big relief so defiantly feeling a lot better now so hopefully I'll have a place to live with in 2 weeks and smoke I'm so excited with the prospects of both right now,  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders today it's unreal.  Even though I'm rambling right now just was under so much stress and frustration I felt like I was going to break again.  But in the back of my mind I knew things were going to work out for me just needed to keep my cool just for a short time I thought, I was going to lose it.  But right now just rambling because I need to do it, an I've done that to two friends and looking back I feel kinda bad about it, so that's why I'm doing it on my on here and if anyone chooses to read it then so be it.  Because in a odd way when I'm not under as much stress and frustration, I need to get rid of the loose emotions and I inadvertently ramble.  Till I run out of things, to say and I feel better which I'm feeling both right now so peace out so as a friend use to say "manic bunny out" 

Ok so now I'm staying again

I must have the worst luck on sometimes, but in reality I know that's not the case.  Just so frustrating sometimes.  I try to stay on the right path, sometimes it feels like I get knocked back two steps.  Anyway I know things will work out for me just need to keep my head up and keep cool.....  Later

Home front update

Well we went to duffield to see James and he's looking better now.  He's going to get out the 4th of June I hope I get to see him again before I leave for Dalton Georgia.  I'm nervous and excited at the same time, it's a big step for me; but so ready for it.   but hopefully I'll be here to celebrate my youngest nieces birthday.  She will be turning 12 one more year and she will be a teenager, shew; where does the time go.  Anyway peace and chicken grease lol till later

What I'd like to say is...

Well I'd like to say I'm on the beach learning to surf smoking the finest grass from Nepal.  The reason I say Nepal is because they are talking to God on that stuff.  Not being blasphemous by saying that, just know how it truly is in some countries; where it's been legal for like 5000 years basically all through recorded history.  Now back to the beach, since I've never been; I really wanna go and learn to surf.  Live the sweet life somewhere like maybe Hawaii or maybe in south Africa, I could name a few really nice places to surf.  Just random thoughts right now.  Peace

It cost me nothing to believe

Sometimes I get asked where I get my faith at not just in God, but in life in general.  There's no short and or easy answer for me on that.  I believe it cost me nothing to believe, but yet I have so much to gain from it just by the act of believing.  I do believe in God and life in general to bigger then just myself.  May 10 is my birthday holds special meaning to me became according to the doctors I'm not suppose to be here.  I've defied doctors expectations and quite a few peoples expectations as well.  But in life there's no such thing a accidents, unless your life is on the line: I truly believe it's how God planned it.  Even though some of us got a raw deal in life, we are ultimately responsible for the choices both good and bad, an inbetween.  But like title of this blog post it cost me nothing to believe, but the thing I can't stress the most us BELIEVE, even if it's just in yourself, just believe in something...

2 beautiful young ladies

At the park with two beautiful young ladies Audra Gail Lambert (niece) and Barbie Denise Lambert (sister in law) I love you James, Nessie and Audra and last but not least Tristan Rae Lambert

Never take clear speech for granted

An for the ones that know me, know I got a speech impediment.  Clear speech was stolen from me at age 12 due to a head injury, 2 injuries in fact: but the second one is what what causes me to stutter and I'm thankful for the people that are understanding about this.  But like the title suggests never take your clear speech for granted, if you have it.  Which a majority of the people that maybe reading this do.  But everyone that does have a speech impediment is a little different in how they react to certain peoples reaction, doesn't mean they are retarded or stupid.  Sometimes in my case it's just nervousness that tends to make it worse.  But some simple things people can do to help others with a speech impediment is don't finish or guess at what they are trying to say befits they finish (people that try to help or guess that me just frustrates me even more) so unless it's an emergency give someone worn a speech impediment an extra minute maybe the best piece of advice you get

Well new times and things are coming

Well we're still stuck in Virginia for now.  But all good to those who wait, or so I'm told anyway!  We will be moving to the Augusta area of Georgia, which I'm excited and nervous about; one thing I'm hoping for is to be able to find a job that pays pretty good and has good benefits.  I would like to start school again maybe get into computer programming and if I don't get a job in that I can at least do it in my spare time, being able to contribute to the Linux and bsd kernels.  But I would like a job in that because I think it would fit me better and maybe in my spare time take some cooking classes.  One thing I remember is I had a great life at one time, I'm still trying to figure out where it all went wrong.  One thing I do know I'll never have that sense of normalcy again, but I know I'll at least have a better quality of life from now on.  Because even with my issues I'm getting better and will keep moving forward, an if I have a setback just dust myself off and keep getting back up, an most importantly never give up. 

Smoking a bowl and talking moores law

Ok me and a person I can't mention were smoking a bowl and talking about how I can fix his laptop well a little later he mentions how computers get faster everyday and I explained moores law to where it came from and what it meant just goes to show ya folks not all stoners are idiots

Well....

Well Georgia will be happening sooner then expected which maybe a blessing in disguise, because all except for some family and friends there's nothing for me here.  No work or anything for me in swva and I will miss all my family and friends, but what am I to do?  But on the good side there are Linux and hacker groups there so hopefully I will learning something outside of school which I will be attending (I hope).  Because I seriously need to brush up on my skills as a whole.  But I find that stuff fun to do anyway so even if I don't make a career out of it again at least I'll be happy doing something!  I want to build some servers or maybe buy some gently used servers just the hardware for it I'm going to use Linux as the operating system like I know debian supports Mac and sparc hardware too, so may just buy gently used servers from a local computer shop and slap debian Linux on it and I'll be ready to go.  An as far as moving I'm nervous and excited about it at the same time, nervous because it's a big change; but excited for the same reason.  But also because if it's everything that I'm told, I'll have a lot more going for me and I need a major change in my life; an the place I'm at now no one should have to be stuck in. 

This my first

This is my first blog post on my new blog more to come