Another random thought night

Well I've fallen again, but I'm able to pick myself up again better then the first time.  Which it says a lot about my strength, an no I'm not bragging or anything.  But when I've first fallen I had a nasty addiction problem, but thanks to an awesome family and friends; I've made it through my trail by fire.  An it wasn't easy, but with my family and friends, I made it through and with a lot of pot too.  But family and friends was the biggest help to.  Which that was the key, the biggest help you'll need is your support group.  A good support group will help you out more then any pill or drug.  An I don't need part time friends in my life I want people that'll hang on even during bad times and am will celebrate your good times in your life.  I'm getting baptized this coming Sunday.  An I've got to admit I'm kinda nervous about it, but it's time has come for me.  Plus I'm preparing for the future.  Like buying better insurance for health and life insurance, even though I know my kin would take care of me if I needed it; this is really my responsibility to do.  Because I can do it, because I believe in taking care of your business and not just pawning it off on other people.  But like I said I know my family would if it came down to it, but they got lives of there own and that's not how I wanna be remembered.  But onto lighter news I've buried the hatchet with my ex wife and we'll always be a part of each others life no matter what.  But I can honestly say I can look back an smile, times weren't always bad.  But who knows we may get back together, only time will tell and it's still to soon to tell.  But we have a history together and no matter what happens we'll always have that bond.  This past Tuesday I was at the ER with her, she was bad off sick and couldn't hold nothing down; not even water.  Her stomach just rebelled on her, but glad she's doing better.  Tonight is one of those random thought night, I've been getting them a lot lately, when I've got down time.  The past few days gave been hectic, I'm currently staying in a homeless shelter for the next few days.  I'm going to go to the local churches and social services too, churches I'm kinda worried about asking for help; but social services my tax dollars go to, so hell yea I'm going to use them.  An don't give me that shit about not working for me or any other tax paying American, if you've ever paid taxes they work for you.  But in any case I'm still on my way up again and I guess I'm done with all my randomness tonight peace..

Alcohol and pills

Two of the most dangerous things right now are alcohol and pills I recently lost a good friend to accidental pill overdose.  I've lost many friends and family to pill overdose. But alcohol and pills cause more deaths annually then guns ever will so maybe, we tighter restrictions on those then for guns; but you never hear that in the news.  An don't even get me started on pot, zero deaths in recorded history due to pot, yet that's illegal.  But pills, alcohol and tobacco are all legal and kill more then guns and pot ever will.  So I'll keep a hunting rifle and stash of pot thanks you very much.  Aspirin kills more then pot, if you got a headache and you take 12 aspirin at one time that'll be the last headache you get and probably your last breath too.  One thing that still hits close to me is that could've been me at one time before rehab I was on 16 different medications now I'm on 5, if I don't count pot; 6 if I don't count pot.  So to anyone that does take pills for any reason please be careful because the very life lost could've be  your own and the precious life you leave behind will miss out on everything about you and if your wanting to get off either or both but can't do it on your own please get help immediately don't wait do it now please for yourself and the ones that love you

Under the demons

We all have our demons to some extent, but we have a choice; if fact we have several choices on how we control those demons.  Which sometimes can be easier said then done.  I recently lost a friend, because her demons kept her hurting for so long and she had trouble silencing them or casting them out of her tortured soul.  I knew she made her heart right with God I just hope she kept at it.  Because I know where she right now, her another friend and me will be doing bowls of pot in heaven.  But one thing I'd like say whatever your demons may be if they become to much to bare please consider getting help, I've seen so many good people lose their lives because of their demons.  It's time for us all to end the cycle, don't lose your life because you can't silence your personal demons on your own and with any form of medication please be careful they aren't worth yours life.  Live like you were dying, love without end

Got news that came as a relief today

We'll I'll be getting some really premium smoke soon so just hope I don't spaz out to much between now and then.  Another piece of good news I got today was I heard there's an apartment building that'll have openings this Monday so that's another big relief so defiantly feeling a lot better now so hopefully I'll have a place to live with in 2 weeks and smoke I'm so excited with the prospects of both right now,  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders today it's unreal.  Even though I'm rambling right now just was under so much stress and frustration I felt like I was going to break again.  But in the back of my mind I knew things were going to work out for me just needed to keep my cool just for a short time I thought, I was going to lose it.  But right now just rambling because I need to do it, an I've done that to two friends and looking back I feel kinda bad about it, so that's why I'm doing it on my on here and if anyone chooses to read it then so be it.  Because in a odd way when I'm not under as much stress and frustration, I need to get rid of the loose emotions and I inadvertently ramble.  Till I run out of things, to say and I feel better which I'm feeling both right now so peace out so as a friend use to say "manic bunny out" 

Ok so now I'm staying again

I must have the worst luck on sometimes, but in reality I know that's not the case.  Just so frustrating sometimes.  I try to stay on the right path, sometimes it feels like I get knocked back two steps.  Anyway I know things will work out for me just need to keep my head up and keep cool.....  Later