Sideways

Sometimes we have these big plans, like first I was trying to get to Georgia, didn't happen, then I was going to California; that didn't happen either.  But it's been my experience; that yes some things are just meant to be.  An there's really no explanation or reason on why; like the title state's; things just hit you side ways.  But it's alright to have big plans; just make sure it's realistic. 

Mind of a addict

This is something that is been spurred from a another former addict.  Not many people know this about me, but I was a addict, my vice of choice was pills.  Not just any kind of pills, but narcotic pills, benzo's and opiates.  This had started long before I became an addict, after suffering from abuse, not at home but elsewhere; I later started fighting a lot but the hurt still remained.  Well years later after I lost my mom, I snapped, I had lost her, my job, everything.  Instead of dealing with the pain, I tried to kill it with pills Xanax and loritabs.  One Nighy I got sick of it I took 10 Xanax 2 MG and 10 roxiset 60's that combo should've killed and would've killed most people, but it didn't me.  Because by then I had built up such a tolerance,  that I just slept for 20 hrs.  later I went to the ER and the attending physician,  expected to see me in a coma or dead.  But there I was just looking at him, still bombed out of my mind.  Well I was sent into rehab, if you've felt detox, then you know what I'm talking about,  but if you've not then trust me it's worse then it looks.   Things like withdrawal and rehab, are scary things to an addict, for me I begged them not to take away my pills because the fear of going without them was to much to bare.  An it doesn't hit you till about the third day, I mean it's you hard; you're puking your guts out and not eating.  Just wanting the sickness to go away, just one more fix to make the sickness to go away then I'll be fine.   We'll it doesn't work out like that,  you'll keep using till you get help or die, the thing is that it just doesn't destroy your life, but the ones around you.   It's a everyday struggle for some, but if you're struggling to quit get help, for friends and loved ones,  but most importantly for yourself, don't become another statistic....