future things

Well as I sit here I keep thinking about things, that maybe I should just let go.  Something else I know is, some people have a tendency to over analyze things, but if you're mentally ill; it can and will be overdone and it's harder for the ones that are.  Plus something is I dream about what my future could be or at least one possible future. 

some people I truly wonder about....

You I know we as a species are going down hill, but I didn't know the extent and how fast!  Because what happened to manners and taking care of each other?  Also at one time we were a very mighty nation, because look at how we treat each other?  Now I'll admit I am a Christian, but I've noticed some Christian not doing very Christian things!  Because what happened to love thy neighbor.  Anyway just wanted to throw that out there..

been awhile!

Well since I've not had access to a computer, it's been hard to update this and my tech blog (which is http://jectechsupport7784.blogspot.com/).  But since somebody let me borrow a computer, thought I'd get a quick update and trust me a lot has been going on since my last update.  Rachel and I are still going on strong, this Thanksgiving we'll be seeing family which is always a good thing!  An there's quite a bit I'm thankful for, like for example being surrounded by friends and loved ones.  An another thing I'm thankful that I'm able to do at least some things for those friends and loved ones.  An that's to name a few, but a long list for me to be thankful for and more is to come on that.  Later on and never forget larf...

In The Beginning...

This was going to start off as a rant, but I thought I would talk about something a little more pleasant.  An this post, will be how I started off in IT, I had started off having a Atari 2600; thanks to my mom and that was the genesis of it all.  Then I happened to come across other peoples computers, like commodore 64 and Atari 800, then I ran the Apple mac like OS2 and then onto FreeBSD; an also Solaris,  That was my first introduction to Unix and Unix like environments, then I found out about this new project called GNU/Linux and with the help of a good friend I caught on quickly.  Now I hover around Solaris, pc-bsd and Linux mint; an haven't looked back and I'm doing all this to make a difference for humanity and granted yes the money is nice.  But I do this to give people freedom of choice and that yes they do have a choice, free as in speech and free as in beer; because it's a community effort.  That's the start of my IT passion, tata...

The bumpy roads...

This being the Christmas holidays, a lot of people can and will get depressed this holiday season.  But if you're at a bad spot please remember things do get better and if need be; get professional help and also remember you're not alone this holiday season.  Go there for further details --->  http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 

The bumpy roads...

Well it's been a bumpy road for me as of late, but things have been getting better for us.  Mostly because of lack of money and this cast on my leg. but like I said things are getting better; on a good note I've got a few jobs coming up and I only got one more week of this cast being on my leg.  But I've seen my therapist today which was a good thing and we had a interesting talk today about how rough life can be.  But I'm also very aware of how blessing can just come out of no where and more importantly the little blessing in our lives; if we just pay attention.  An something else I'm grateful for is the many great people in my life and how they actually care about me, an want to see me do good.  An something else that's been on my mind is, we're going to run into people that will work our everlasting nerves; but we need to keep in mind is, our mental health these days is so vitally important and for a few it seems to be slipping away.  An with me having a dual diagnosis of PTSD and recovering drug addict, it's hard sometimes to balance things.  Because I had my ha-ha and my ah-ha moments around the same time.  When I was a hardcore drug addict, how I had been handling my illness had been wrong and the ha-ha part was, I realized that laughter is one of the best medications  But the details for that is for a later time, enjoy folks and peace...

Interesting times (slight return)

A lot has happened since I updated my blog, it's been a mix of both good and bad.  But thing's have improved a lot in a relatively short period of time and I know that I had to make some changes in how I was doing things.  An something else that I'm working on is, I'm still trying to earn some extra money or at least do some trading with stuff, an I'm hoping to get that high gear soon.  Because granted it's still depressing and frustrating me, I'm not going to let it get to me like it was.  Because I'd like to get some tech support work and I'd like to get a big job like something that would pay 4000$ up from and 400$ a day, but I know realistically speaking I know that it's not going to happen.  But something that I  had dreamt about was that I woke up an I had 50 million dollars in my PayPal account and I really woke up, then I was like dammit lol.  But anyway I know that it seems like I'm complaining, an I swear I'm not; it's just so discouraging sometimes.  An I can't even get donations to my PayPal account for my tech support blog.  That being said, I'm going to continue doing my own thing and keep on rolling, because I know that it will eventually work out, not sure how or when; but I know that it will work out. 

Grateful for the little things

Some people are so ungrateful and if we think about it we always can find something to be grateful about.  Like me I'm grateful for the ability to read, I know people who don't know how to read, also I don't have clear speech and that's something I always tell people to be grateful for.  Also life can be hard sometimes and we get so discouraged about but we need to take time out of our day, to be thankful for those little things that can build up to great big things.  An the way things go the over stressed and fast past days, that's so vitally important and it's also important for physical and mental health too.  Because some people are so caught up in taking care of other people's needs and we'll being, that they forget to take care of their own well being.  So we need to take time out of our busy days to be grateful for all that we do got and not being ungrateful for what we don't got.  An I can name quite a few other things I'm grateful for to name a few are

1.  The ability to read, write and a great education
2.  Improved health, both physical and mental
3.  My medication
4.  A roof over my head, food in my belly
5.  People who love and or care about me

An that's just to name a few things, because I can name off so much more to be grateful for and we need to realize that and  take time to appreciate those little things that makes life, worth living cheers folks

depressing times

As of late seems like I've been able to catch a break to save my life, which granted I've got a lot to be thankful for; but some tech work would be nice, that didn't require me bring my own computer (since I don't got a working one).  But I got a lot of experience with IT and I know what I'm doing; just can't seem to find more work in it.  An I do it right the first time which that means I usually fix it once and people don't have to worry about it again.   But anyway rant is over on that one, an onto bright subjects.  Since I've been in therapy it's been quite helpful on many fronts and I've managed to evolve quite a bit too.  An something else that's been on my mind is some of my family members and why they don't bother to come see me; an I honestly believe some don't even bother to try.  But that's on them  not me, an I refuse to beg anyone to stay in my life and I'm going to keep doing my own thing; because my heart beats to a different drum.  Also I'm wanting to get back into music, because it was such a great therapy for me and it made me feel so much better.  An please excuse the rambling, I just got a lot on my mind and trying to say it all while it's still fresh on my mind.  An on a bright note, I've been with Rachel for four years now, an everyday has been a blessing to me; with her in my life.  But my life always wasn't always this good, I've had more then my share struggles and heartache.  But it's made me who I am today, which is a much wiser and stronger person.  But I've got what's called a dual diagnoses, drug addiction and mental illness, I was addicted to narcotic pills and I've got PTSD.  Both come with there own unique sets of problems.  But I'll get into those later on, when I am able to talk about them in a way that everyone can understand; because I don't want no confusion on what my problems are and I'm not looking for pity either.  Because I am trying to help people get to where they're a better place, which I got very little help up until a few years ago and I've been in the mental, health system since I was 20 and I am 39 now.  But something I would like to say things do get better may take awhile and take some practice, but things do get better.

p.s. here it's my fiance blog:  http://rachelshaffer1984.blogspot.com/ 

The power we hold

There's times in our lives and we feel like giving up or nobody cares, but that's not always the case.  There's people who truly care, but usually it doesn't come across like that and it's not that they don't care; some people are just a believer in tough love.  Because people that are going through the most are usually the most powerful, the reason being is that they keep going when things are at there worst for them.  An people notice that power and people are drawn to that, because some people are looking for people like you in their lives; because you're so needed.  Life can and will be hard sometimes, but we're so able to stand and deliver.  So don't let other people's bad behavior define you and also remember that their approval isn't needed.  Keep your chin up and keep on rolling baby.

Jokes to tell...

I'd like to know more jokes I'll start this one off
Father walks into his sons room, father goes don't masterbate you'll go blind, son goes I'm over here dad...

Confucius says man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger.  

Bring it in folks don't be shy. 

New surroundings

Well I'm home from a weekend at Rachel's family and I'm still getting a feel for them, but all and all its been a good time I believe.  But what I liked about it is that we were with people who wanted us to be there and weren't paid for it.  An they tried to make sure that I felt welcome and I tried to be sociable, which was hard for me; an I'm trying to work through that as best I can anyway it's been fun later taters

Interesting turn of events

It's been a interesting couple of weeks as of late, like for example met my significant other biological family recently and yes she's adopted.  An I've got a cast on my leg because I've got a sore on my foot and to make it heal faster and for good, I've got a cast; which makes it awakard to walk around but I'm making it.  An this weekend we're going to spend the weekend with my significant others, family which should be interesting and I hope that it goes over well.  But something that's been on my mind is my mom and dad, I'd like to have some pictures of mom to show Rachel what she looks like and also I'd like to know what my dad looks like.  Because I've got no memories of my dad and I'd like to at least be able to  know what my dad looks like.  Anyway I'm also trying to broaden my tech horizons, because I've used Unix or Linux for a majority of my life and still love it ; but I wanted to broaden it even further.  Like for example using sparc hardware anyway I'm off for now.....

Struggling at times

Well the past few days I've been struggling to keep my head above water and it's been hard.  But I know that things will get better, just seems like things won't let up right now.  Like for example I was in a hospital and I almost had a panic attack, which looking back I would've have not gotten out in time I would've had one; but it would've been a good place to have one.  But some things that help me is Journaling and writing in my blog, which I've noticed that I've not done either one in awhile and that yes I've should've done it sooner.  Which I know things will eventually get better just things are so relentless sometimes and times will get hard.  Also there's very people I vent too, mostly because it either gets lost in translation or with some cruel people the truth gets twisted.  So I either journal, blog and go to one of the few people; vent to them.  An if I feel like I  need a psych evaluation, I definitely go to somebody that can do something about it, because talk is so cheap lately and that's because some things for some people it's just out of their control or abilities.  Just how I feel today....

Slowly but surely

Well like the title says, I've slowly but surely getting better.  Because I was having a rough time as of late and just aggrivated that I was doing doing badly again, but I'm thankful that it didn't require hospitalization or going to a crisis recovery program.  But it did take awhile and yes I did feel mentally bad, with my symptoms being elevated, but I'm also proud of myself that I managed my symptoms on my own this time.

Summer time

Well summer time for some people is a great season, but if you're mentally ill summer or any other seasons aren't so fun.  Because if you're struggling to manage your symptoms , an yes sometimes it can be extremely difficult to do and be discouraging and disheartening.  But if you've got your symptoms well maintained, there will be times when you relapse and you may have to be hospitalized. But because we relapse doesn't mean we've failed; it just means we've needed more help then say our therapist or psychologist can do at the time.  But early warning sides need to be seen early, an once you're aware of them; come make a appointment with your therapist and or psychologist.  Because it could be as simple as a medication change or just a responsive ear from your therapist.  But please, if you need help go get it immediately, because the problems won't go away on there own and you need to help yourself before you can help anybody else.  

Good days and bad days

Well can say that we've had good days and bad days in our lives, but if you're mentally ill; it can be especially tough to see those good days and as of today for has been mixed.  I didn't sleep much the night before and I've been dragging all day, an I'll be taking my bedtime medication soon and hopefully I'll be back in bless full ignorance after it kicks in.  Because I know that when I don't a good night sleep the following day I feel off.  But to change to a more positive note, I'm debating on whether or not to become a virtual bookkeeper and get off disability and start to make instead of making a tiny check that only comes on the 3rd of the month.  Because money is a big stressor for me then some people might believe for me or for a majority of the mass public and it's debatable on whether it's getting better or worse.  Also I talk about mental health issues a lot because blogging is a coping skill for me and it gives me a chance to tell my side of the story, an give a real life perspective on mental illness from someone who truly is mentally ill and I've got a dual diagnosis.  One I'm mentally ill and recovering drug addict, but I know recovery is possible and I'm living proof of that.  One thing I can say is that I wish I wasn't mentally ill, but on the same token recovery is possible and it's a everyday thing.  That's all for now, cheers and stay frosty....

Taking special requests

Where I've been doing computers for long , I'm taking special requests to build custom computers for people and all you gotta do is buy the hardware and the operating system you choose.  Because I don't have windows or mac operating systems, but I do got Solaris, pc bsd and Linux.  My rates are cheap I charge on a sliding scale.  So if you want one of the best, please leave a me a message on Skype which is ZenDog77 thanks keep on the sunny side...

In the beginning

Life has never been dull for me to say the least.  But I've got a lot to be thankful for, but that being said, let the good times roll.  But this is a goofy random post, if there's three tv stations I never get tired of watching. 

1.  TCM

2.  MeTV

3.  The history channel

Those channels for some reason spark my imagination and creativity, an like MeTV  and TCM are channels that bring back class and morals; which is fledgling these days.  An that's a true shame, like for example Greta Garbo and Humphrey Bogart, are just some of true artists with class.  An me MeTV has show that you can sit down with your family and watch. 

Home movie theater

One of my favorite things to do is go to movie theaters and concerts, but when we get our own place; I want to build a home theater.  An I want to make it like a concert hall too, because I'm really big on audio and video.  An I've always enjoyed the movie going experience and as well as the concert going experience too.  Because it's so rare that you witness that true MOJO that is a great concert and movie experiences.  Because true artists and that true gems, are so far and between these days, it's truly sad that because that true artistic spark is dim; but not gone.  But anyway I've got a majority of things I'd need to this on my amazon wishlist and one day I hope to accomplish this personal goal.  An I know that sometimes dreams do come true for the most part, just as long as it's not so far fetched, but more realistic dreams do come true.